Candles flickering, steam rising from a cup of tea, softly snuggling into the new year. The Christmas decorations have come down, save for a set of fairy lights that I’ve stubbornly refused to put away. The magic of the festive season may have been put away for another 11 months, but there’s a glimmer of the magic that continues.
The candles we light to tide us through the cold months of winter add a little (needed) warmth to each day. Before we know it, we will start to see nature unfurling, new buds beginning their slow blossoming. These months are only temporary, yet they give time and space for moments of connection with those we love; when better to talk over hot drinks than when it’s cold outside?
I don’t know where I am at the moment; I’m in that weird in-between place, waiting for things to sink in. This week brought news that shattered the heaviness of the past few months, splintering the ice that was spreading. It might not feel true at this moment, but it will over the coming weeks, hopefully. There is still a mountain to climb, but I am strangely excited for the hike; rather than letting fears and doubts slip in, I want to enjoy this journey. Whilst the diagnosis of PCOS in the summer triggered some grief, and then the complication gave some rolling months of uncertainty, I have reached a place wherein I am trying to learn and implement as much as I can – this doesn’t have to be scary, it can be life-affirming.
We have to be gentle with ourselves. Throughout this journey, I need to be my own biggest advocate, my loudest cheerleader, as well as a nurturing parent to myself. It will be a journey of listening to my body, adapting and adding/subtracting wherever necessary. There may be times I fall down, but I won’t stay down. Balance. For all the days (or moments, sometimes it doesn’t last long) when sadness envelopes you, have days to counteract it. Days where you actively pursue the things that make you happy. Be intentional.
Things keep touching me with their beauty. Something I keep noticing is the way the streetlights play with the bare trees, I adore watching the shadows dance on the pavement. They are just as beautiful now as in the summer, when they are full with greenery, and the light is often dappled. Searching for magic in the winter is possible, and I promise, it won’t be long at all until we find those buds. Nature is working away.
My thoughts are fragmented. I want to catch them all, and pour them into my words, but I need to be patient. I need to give it time. The words will come.
Looking back and looking forward are both important, and I still feel like I need to carve out some time to reflect on the year gone by…and then look to the year ahead. For me, this will mean slowing it down, giving myself some space and the freedom to let my thoughts run wild. Amongst all of the reflection and planning, I also want to remember to be present.
steam rising from a cup of tea,
softly snuggling into the new year.